9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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