I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
