You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
