I got chris browned last night
I can text with my tongue
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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