home. puking in laundry basket.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
