fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
