omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
