the condom got lost in my hair
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
