Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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