new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
