i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
