it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
