remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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