Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
