i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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