giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
