Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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