I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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