I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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