It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
