I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
