I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
