My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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