listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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