I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
