brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
