Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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