Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
