No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think your dad took our porno
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
