you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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