Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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