I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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