I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday