Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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