I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.