***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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