i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
