SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
