I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dating After Heartbreak
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.