the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is my gift to your gina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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