you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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