I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
