You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
