I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Gay?
German.
Pity.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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