Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
