Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
