you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
