my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
