Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BRING THE BAGELS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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