i permit you to call me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
