and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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