Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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