That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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