His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
