Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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