Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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