Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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