At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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