i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
