I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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