I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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