she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
