Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize