he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
