How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
