Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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