There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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