seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
