You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
