Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
