If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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