Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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