I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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