Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
