I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
