If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
