i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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