That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
