i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
