I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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