hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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