Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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