a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
