I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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