Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize