Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
