I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
